


faux pas

by Flavortext



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, Vague discussion of sex, minor descriptions of would care, nott needs to stop shooting beau PLEASE, set mid ep 73
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-03
Updated: 2019-08-03
Packaged: 2020-07-29 22:48:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20090044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Flavortext/pseuds/Flavortext
Summary: “Anytime, Beau!” Jester says, lying back down. Theres a slight shifting from the other side of the room.“WERE YOU TWO HAVING SEX?” Nott screeches. Beau jumps, sitting bolt upright.





	faux pas

**Author's Note:**

> Nott has shot Beau 3 times, twice with her crossbow when they were rescuing the party from Shady Creek Run, and once in ep 73 with a GUN. None were in battle. She has shot explosive arrows at Caduceus twice, once when he was unconscious, killing him, and once when he was at 4 hp and about to be swallowed by a monster. This woman must be stopped.   
(I am not including her fake shooting of Caleb when they fought that gang of goblins or the four times she shot Yasha while charmed by Oban)

“Beau?” Jester asks softly, after the third time her friend groans and flips onto her stomach. It’s late, and they’re all tired after their trek through the woods and underground. Nott’s raspy breath can be heard across the room, and she can make out Caduceus’ snoring a room over. But the noise she’s  _ used _ to falling asleep next to is absent. Instead, Beau groans again and bunches up her pillow. Jester rolls onto her side and tries again. 

“Beau? Are you okay?” She asks. Beau stiffens and looks over at her. 

“I’m-” She starts, then blinks a little. There’s a lantern outside the room, bits of light coming through the curtain to play across Beau’s face. Jester smiles, reaching across the bed to tuck a few strands back behind her ear. Beau shuts her mouth and then buries her face in the pillow. “My ass hurts.” She says finally, muffled. Jester can’t help but giggle. 

“We did a lot of walking, did you pull something?” She asks. Beau groans again. 

“Nott  _ shot _ me.” She says, lifting her head a bit. Jester shuts her mouth. 

“Like, she hit you?” She says seriously. Beau glances over her shoulder at the sleeping woman. 

“Yeah, in my  _ ass _ . It’s funny except it hurts like a bitch and I can’t sleep on my back.” Beau grumbles, a little quieter. Jester pushes herself up to sitting, crossing her legs. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” She asks, pulling the blankets off Beau. Beau groans and reaches for them. 

“Jessie it’s okay, it’ll heal.” She says, but Jester shushes her and inspects what she can see of the rip in Beau’s pants and the resulting bloodstain. 

“Beau that’s like, still in you.” She says after a moment, Beau turns her head on her pillow and shrugs at her. 

“Yeah, didn’t go all the way through.” She says noncommittally. Jester frowns. 

“Alright, take your pants off.” She says, hopping off the bed and lighting the candle on the table. Beau groans. 

“Jester, I’m okay, really!” She says, but Jester ignores her, digging through her pack for a medicine kit. She emerges and sets it on the bed next to Beau. 

“I’m going to have a serious conversation with Nott about shooting people.” She says, digging out a pair of tweezers and holding them over the candle. Beau huffs. 

“She shot me twice with the crossbow, too.” 

“She  _ what? _ ” Jester raises her voice a little, maybe. Nott grumbles but doesn’t wake up. 

“Yeah, when we were rescuing you guys. I don’t remember why. Everyone was very stressed.” Beau sits up a little and pokes at two scars on her collarbone, long healed but visible. Jester pouts. 

“That’s not nice.” She says finally, setting the tweezers down to cool. Beau sighs and gingerly sits up, wiggling out of her pants and lying back down on top of the blankets. 

“I assume this will hurt?” She says, propping her chin on her pillow. Jester resists the urge to reach up and touch Beau’s hair where it’s fallen all around her face. 

“Probably, but I’ll heal you up right after.” She assures. Beau glances at her and nods. 

“I trust you. Go on.” She steels herself and crosses her ankles. Jester picks up her tweezers and inspects the wound. “There are better ways to get a look at my ass, ya know.” Beau quips after a moment. Jester splutters. 

“ _ Beau _ !” She gasps, mock offended. Beau giggles and winks at her. Jester sticks out her tongue and focuses back on her task. It is a very nice ass, and she  _ has _ taken a few maybe not so platonic looks at it. Maybe. But Beau doesn’t need to know that. Jester frowns and gently puts a hand on Beau’s thigh to hold it down. Beau tenses a bit, muscles flexing, but relaxes at a gentle stroke of Jester’s thumb. 

“Bite down on something.” Jester whispers, before- as gently as she can- using the tweezers to reach in and carefully pull the shard of metal out of Beau’s skin in one quick motion. Beau grunts loudly, muffled into the pillow, and flinches away, held only by Jester’s grip on her thigh. She lets out a shaky breath after a moment, and Jester pumps a healing spell into her, the green light fading around a small fresh scar. She runs a finger over it and Beau shivers. 

“Thanks.” She says softly. Jester sets the tweezers and bullet down on the bedside table. 

“Anytime, Beau!” Jester says, lying back down. There's a slight shifting from the other side of the room. 

“ _ WERE YOU TWO HAVING SEX? _ ” Nott screeches. Beau jumps, sitting bolt upright. 

“ _ What!?” _ She yells, looking wildly back at Jester. Jester bursts into a fit of giggles. 

“WERE YOU TWO HAVING SEX WHILE I WAS IN THE ROOM?” Nott says again, bursting up from her pile of Blankets. Beau’s face stretches into a pained expression before she hurts her pillow across the room at Nott. “YOU COULDN’T WAIT A DAY? OR TELL ME TO SLEEP IN THE BOYS ROOM?”

“She was pulling your fucking bullet out of my ass you fucker!” Beau says loudly. Nott stills for a second, hand halfway to her crossbow, and lets the pillow bounce to the floor. 

“Oh,” She says. Jester manages to stop her giggling for a second and looks sternly at Nott. 

“You really should apologize, you could have really hurt her.” She says seriously. Nott lets her hand drop to her side. 

“She started it.” She says. Beau rolls her eyes. 

“I tripped you, you  _ pulled a gun _ on me. Big leap, Nott.” She crosses her arms. Jester nods. 

“And you shot an exploding arrow at Caduceus today,  _ again. _ When you knew he was almost down.” She adds. Nott frowns hand itching at her side towards her flask. 

“I kinda did kick that fight off yelling that it was immune to fire, you know,” Beau says. Nott pulls a face. 

“I’m sorry, okay?” She says voice clipped short. Beau shrugs. 

“Don’t do it again. Make it up to  _ him _ .” Beau gestures at the wall they share with the boy's room. Nott looks behind herself and sighs. 

“I will. I’ll work on it.” She says after a moment. 

“And if we were having sex, we would be like, super stealthy about it.” Jester adds with a giggle. Beau splutters and Nott groans. 

“I’m getting another drink, you were hardly letting me sleep anyways.” She says, picking up her crossbow and stalking out of the room. Beau flops back on the bed and punches Jester in the arm. 

“Really?” She says, stifling a yawn. Jester shrugs. 

“We  _ would _ be, wouldn’t we?” Jester says, sounding less joking than she means. Beau chokes a little. 

“I-- sure.” She looks over at Jester for a moment. “I mean- what?” Her face screws up in a quizzical expression. Jester huffs and lies down next to her chest feeling a little tight and too close to feelings for the time of night and this particular conversation. 

“I  _ mean, _ if we were having sex, which we aren’t,” 

“Right,” Beau says, sounding a little dumbfounded. Jester kicks herself and pushes on. 

“We would be super romantic and plan like, a nice getaway just the two of us. And you wouldn’t have just gotten shot in the ass.” Jester pokes Beau’s side. Beau huffs out a laugh. 

“Okay, Jessie. I’ll take notes for your future boyfriend. Romantic destination and no ass wounds.” She says. Jester giggles and rolls over, resting her head on Beau’s shoulder. Beau’s arm automatically comes around to hold her. Jester sighs. 

“You can keep it for yourself,” Jester says, immediately biting her tongue and freezing up a little. Curse her, curse her stupid stupid tired brain. Curse Beau for almost dying and bringing all her feelings bubbling to the top of her head with a sense of  _ urgency _ . Beau strokes the back of Jester’s neck. 

“What?” She asks. Jester realizes she has her face pressed into Beau’s shoulder and the blankets. Maybe she didn’t hear. 

“Nothing. Go to sleep, Beau.” She says, lifting her head a bit. Beau gives her a long look. 

“Thanks for healing me back, Jester.” She says after a moment. Jester nods, pressing her forehead back to Beau’s skin. 

“I told you, no dying for our sakes. I’ll always heal you back.” She whispers. Beau’s hold on her tightens. 

“I know you will. You also killed both those things, Caleb told me.” She says. Jester nods. 

“I’m a pretty fucking great cleric, Beau.” She quips. Beau laughs. 

“You’re amazing, Jessie.” Jester feels a light kiss to the top of her head. She nestles closer to Beau, tugging the blanket back up over them with one hand before sliding her arm over Beau’s stomach. Beau rests her hand over Jester’s and smiles into her hair. 

“Goodnight, Beau,” Jester says with a sigh.

“Love you, Jester,” Beau responds. Jester relaxes inch by inch. Eventually, Beau’s familiar snores fill the room. Jester falls asleep to that, finally. 

**Author's Note:**

> Beau 100% heard Jes and just went. whelp not dealing with THAT tonight 
> 
> Find me @transfjord on tumblr, thanks to the Critical Girls discord for the inspiration and for being so much fun to watch live with!! 
> 
> Kudos and comments make me very happy <3


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